Monday, July 14, 2008

I park far away, please leave me alone.

So, I have a new car. I don't think it's the greatest car in the world, by any means. It's a Honda. Not a Ferrari. Not a Jaguar. Not even a luxury Honda, a.k.a. Acura. It's a plain Honda. Thousands of em on the road. I drive with hundreds of them on the way to work. But its new. It's new to me, and it smells new inside. It has new paint with glossy new tires and a luster off the windows that say "Hi... I'm new."

Now, I need to point that out to you. I'm no idiot. I'm no pretentious snob that thinks my car is the greatest thing on the road, but you know what, I love it, and I want it to stay this way for as long as possible.


I park FAR AWAY. I'm not doing it to show-off, saying, yeah it's new - that's why its in a class by itself. I'm not doing it feeling I am better than you or anyone else. I'm doing it so the moron with the 1980 Pontiac Bonneville with no paint on the hood and a door as long as two football fields doesn't swing that crap open at 600 miles per hour and gouge out a hole in my door and 3 inches of new clear coat from my fender.

I paid a lot of money for this thing, and I just want to avoid the disappointment of seeing a scratch, a ding, a scuff, or a dent. Or whatever some thoughtless dill-weed can think up to do, because in the nutshell... they don't care.

Don't park near me. Please. Look - if the store is BUSY, and the lot is 75% full, I'm not being a jerk and taking up 2 spots. I'm just seeking the furthest spot available. If you see that obviously I picked the last spot for a reason and there's a slew of empty spots between me and the guy who was obviously looking for the closest spot available, don't park near me. Go someplace else. OR don't park RIGHT next to me. Give me a buffer spot. I understand... you don't want your car dinged either... maybe we'll both be fortunate enough to come out of wherever we might be and see that THANKFULLY some dude in a Hummer H1 decided he couldn't fit between us and parked elsewhere. But lets risk it... what do you say?

And for crying out loud - don't be that jealous, insane jerk, crying about owning a used 1990 Kia and feels they have to key the car just because its nice and clean. I mean, come on... what is that about away? What kind of intelligence does this show - "That guy has a new car and parked really far away... I'm gonna key it." I hope if you're that person, your armpits become infested with the fleas from 1,000 camels and someone shoots you dead center in your crotch with a crossbow during a freak hunting mishap.

I just want to add that I work in a place full of selfish, selfish, SELFISH people. They will park anywhere with no consideration at all. They will park so close to you, they hear the mirror squealing as it scratches off your paint when they pull in. They will grab any spot and crawl out of the hatch or trunk if using a can opener to egt out of the door failed.

I used to have a new car, prior to this one. I learned the hard way. Everyday that I parked near the main building (maybe it was raining, or cold, or just sheer laziness), I got a ding. If I was lucky, I got just one ding. No, I'm not exaggerating. AWFUL PEOPLE. Just horrible and rude, and inconsiderate. Don't people understand a rule to respect other people's property anymore? I guess if people did understand, then I wouldn't have to park in Siberia and could trust my car in a random spot close by. No such luck.

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