** Romancing The Throne **

I replaced the toilet... I know a lot of you were worried. So here is what I learned and here are my tips of what to do, and more of what NOT to do...

1) Be prepared for anything. Shop at Home Depot like everything was on clearance, and return anything un-used later on. REMEMBER, this is plumbing stuff, so you can probably return COMPLETELY UN-USED MATERIALS... don't plan on returning something you tried to use and then decided it wasn't necessary. But here's what I recommend having on hand, that you might not think you'll use:

Plaster of Paris
Sand Grout (the color you need to match the bathroom tiles OR the toilet itself)
Filler tubes
Wax seals (Normal sized AND the larger sized) with hardware sets
Johnny Bolt sets
Disposable paint buckets
Wooden Stirrers
Caulk and appropriate caulking gun
Plumbers Putty
Paper towels
Toilet Flange levelers or spacers

*** Now, I bought triple the amount of stuff that I figured I would need, and it was a good thing too... I used a lot if when I encountered my problems... But hopefully, if you ever have to do this, it'll be easier.

2) Pulling out the old toilet... WHERE DID ALL THIS WATER COME FROM, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY... WHY IS IT ALL OVER MY FLOOR????? Obviously, some thing you learn by trial and error. I learned that you really want to try and rid the tank and bowl of as much water as possible BEFORE loosening or un-doing any sort of bolts or nuts connected to the damned thing. Common sense right? Well, be forewarned that a lot of toilet systems these days have water hidden in these fill valves and once you open it up.... WHEW... it just keep on comin'!

Have buckets ready, have towels nearby, but hopefully, if you play with things inside the tank, and try to shop-vac out, or siphon/sponge up as much water out as possible, you wont need to do much clean up. After this is done, and you unscrew the flange nuts, the bowl pretty much just comes up and out.

3) CLEAN UP!!!!!! I learned the hard way that trying to place a new bowl back onto what lay there before it is just a bad idea. Had I taken the time and energy when I first saw what was there to clean, it would have saved me HOURS WASTED AND OODLES OF SUPPLIES & MONEY!!! Get the job site back down to "scratch" as you can. Rid yourself of the previous wax, caulk, misaligned/bent flanges, etc, etc... If I could explain to you what the plumber before me did to get the previous bowl down, I would... all I know is that it's a wonder that bowl stayed where it was. This is where I learned the had way that I needed flange levelers/spacers.

4) OVER-DO EVERY STEP!!!! No joke. You need to use a new flange bolt (Johnny Bolt) - USE THE BIGGEST ONE THEY HAVE... not the longest... the biggest head. It matters so you avoid it popping out later. If you have to use a spacer/leveler, caulk it in place... AND CAULK IT WELL!!! Put nylon washers on the bolt sticking up to try and keep it from spinning.... THINK OF EVERYTHING AHEAD OF TIME - (think - how will this affect me later in, 1, 2, or possibly 7 steps later on). Put your wax ring on, and seat the toilet. Don't rock it, just sit on it and try and settle it in easily.

5) Put everything on those flange bolts that's going to make your life easiest. A little plastic tab thing to cover the entire hole.... then a washer, then the nut. Snug on one side, then the other. Little tighter on the first side, then the other. Keep going back and forth until its tight, but not too tight (DON'T BREAK THE DAMN BOWL!!!). If the bowl isn't rocking when you give it a good shake... it's tight enough.

6) DO NOT OVER TIGHTEN ANYTHING!!!! And I mean it. I over tightened the filler tube.. it leaked. I replaced it, got it finger tight, it leaked. I tightened it up just a tad more... problem solved. SIMPLE.

and that's all I got for ya... Its really simple as long as you over-think the steps... really. Patience is more the key to these steps than anything else. Now, I have one more toilet to replace. That's tomorrow. Now I know what to do, it should really take 1/10th of the time and 1/100th of the effort... I'm actually excited about doing it.

AND YEAH, the new bowls... GREAT THINGS - JUST GREAT!

It's Poop To Me!

I got a new house about a year ago... very good feeling. A bit overwhelming at times, especially when you realize the responsibility is all on your shoulders. There's no more telling mom something is broken, or ignoring things getting dated... its all yours, and it;s up to you.

Call it growing up, I guess. Call it whatever, I just liked it better when there was NO responsibility.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house, and I love that it's mine, and I guess it's a fair trade, but here is my latest issue, still with no resolution in sight...

We noticed when we bought the house that both bathrooms were practically brand new. Everything, soup to nuts (whatever that expression means), was new, or very new looking. The center attraction of each bathroom were these beautiful, low-profile, one-piece Kohler designer toilets. Very nice design, and they look quite sharp. HOWEVER, I found the following issues:

They are low... very low. I feel like I am sitting on the floor on one of these things. It;s no good considering I like to spend a lot of time relaxing on the thing... reading a magazine, playing my Nintendo DS, picking my nose (like you don't do it), whatever... I don't need my legs to fall asleep and become so numb, I can't stand up when I am done, so quickly. These bowls really do something to constrict the blood flow to the legs. Odd. Odd indeed.

Nextly...

THEY FLUSH NOTHING!!!!! Be warned... the following may be T.M.I. for some...

I learned, quite the hard way, that these toilet bowls hardly flush a thing. I can't tell you how many times, and how many hours I have spent trying to unclog these friggin' things. They are supposed to be new "water-saving" bowls... which I find impossible, because you need to flush them almost 8 times throughout the course of one good poop. When it first happened, I used drano to the max, cleared the lines, and still, the problem re-occurs. I dread my weekend poops because I know I will be forced to utilize my home bathrooms. How sad is that? Have you ever met someone who looks forward to taking a dump in the restroom at work? I love it. I know that sucker will take everything I have and get rid of it in one single booming WHOOOOOSH of it's massive liter per flush ratio. Not like home. I essentially have learned to monitor my poop output at home. I stop, flush, continue, stop, flush, finish (I hope), flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, wipe, flush.... DONE. Lately that's been working.
CAN YOU BELIEVE ALL THAT WORK FOR ONE POOP????
OK so... here's where I stand now....
I got fed up. I was done after a really bad clog, which by the way here is a tip for you...

Lets say you have a clog. You flushed... waited 20 minutes or so, flushed again, and still nothing happens. You can see waste in the bowl, and really have no desire to go in after it, either with a plunger or dare I say a very heavily gloved hand (which by the way, I have NEVER, nor EVER will do) here is what I have done (more than once).

I flush the bowl to try and rid as much water as I can... then I spray all the waste, and the entire bowl with a good dose of CITRUS CLEANER. Available at your local Home Depot, it's an orange, sort of greasy liquid, that comes in a spray bottle. Spray it on, wait for the tank to re-fill and flush away. If it doesn't work, try again... it will. I've had to do this a couple times now, and never had to repeat the steps more than twice. AWESOME STUFF... AWESOME!

OK - so back to being fed up. I ordered new toilets. I did some research and found that TOTO is the way to go. I ordered the models coming with their "best" flushing system. I ordered the bowls that are super high, insulated, bolt down lid, all the bells and whistles. They came yesterday. I'm ready for the installation and that's where I stand...

I will write more and let you know how it goes. But as of right now, it looks as though my poop saga is coming to an end.

Stay tuned for tomorrows blog... Romancing The Throne.

Tweetle Dee No More...

OK - so, I promised rantings and ravings, but... something happened last night that I just can't complain about, I just have to share the story with you.

Last night, approximately 10pm, I was working in the kitchen. Making some home-made fudge (as if that's not comical in itself), but if you must know, I'm making batches of the stuff to donate for a charity bake sale. Really.

I digress.

So, I'm in between batches and decide to head outside to check on my 2 dogs. I haven't "heard" from them in quite a while so that was rare and weird in itself... I ventured into the back yard and see one of the little imps with something odd dangling from his snout.

NOW... my dogs dig. A lot. They come to the house with whatever they can find. Patches of sod, roots, plants, flowers with the bulb still attached to them (granted the bulb was buried 7-8 inches deep)... whatever. This was nothing new.

I give them my little warning whistle, which usually gets them to scamper on over, when I hear a loud tweeting sound... yeah you guessed it. The friggin' dog had caught a bird. This dog, usually so lazy, he doesn't even jump on the couches, arose from his beaglish stuper and grasped onto an innocent bird.

Right away, my mind started swimming as to what to do next. Do I run inside for sneakers, and leave the dog to start chomping away at the bird? Do I run over to the dog and risk stepping in a pile of dog poop whilst barefoot (I don't think so).

So, I run over to the window and call my wife outside - she runs outside in a panic, realizing something is wrong. I yell "get me my sneakers, some rubber gloves, plastic bags, and a hammer, or shovel or something!!!"

Without questioning it, she actually ran inside and retrieved every item on my little shopping list.

I popped on my sneakers, and walked over to the dog. Needless to say, he didn't want to drop his newly acquired friend. I pried his jaw open with my hand, all while this bird was flapping violently against his snout and my wrist, and I managed to free the bird which now dropped to the ground with a horrific thud sound.

I brought the dogs, both the innocent witness and the guilty bird murderer, back into the house. My wife looked at me in awe and exclaimed those dreaded words... "Now what?"

I went back outside to examine the bird. A beautiful bird (really), just stood there. One wing was at least 75% gone. The other was a bit bloody, but looked alright. The bird would try and hop away from me and then fall over, quite sadly. It would work to stand back up, and appeared to breathing slowly and like it was a chore for it.

I'm an animal lover, so honestly, it broke my heart. I went back inside, and said I needed to euthanize it. It wasnt in good shape. My wife agreed and said she'd stay inside. I walked back outside in a fog of uneasiness...

There I stood, above the bird. Hammer in hand, along with two plastic bags. I watched him breathing slowly, and started to cry. Well, started sobbing actually. Call me a whimp, a loser, whatever you want... I dropped the hammer and just couldnt do it. I was so dazed about what to do... I had no ideas, or knew no other options. My wife came outside to see me crying and she started crying as well. She told me not to kill it, and that maybe it would heal. Trying to put feelings aside and use some sort of common sense, I could see the bird wouldnt heal, but I couldnt bring myself to kill it.

I got some heavy duty gloves and picked up the bird. I brought him to the outskirts of my back yard, fenced off where the dogs couldnt get to, and placed him behind the shed. I closed the lights and went back inside.

Problem solved? Nooooo... ignoring it doesnt make it go away, right?

I started explaining to my wife that it just wasnt right. Even if the bird didnt die from bleeding to death, it certainly wasnt capable of finding food or water. It might get eaten by a hungry animal, but either way, it was sure to die, and right now, it must be in pain.

SO... HERE IS THE EDUCATION PART....

I learned by callinbg the local 24 hr animal hospital, that if you bring in such an animal, they put it to sleep for you free of charge.

So thats what I did. I went back outside and there lay the bird... breathing and alert, but refusing to move. I scooped it up and placed him in a box. I drove him to the animal hospital, let them take care of it, and drove home in a silent fog. It was such a sad night for some wild bird that mean absolutely nothing to me.

Weird.

Anyway... that was my night.

Whether I did good or not, I don't know... but I feel a little calmer knowing that the bird probably wen down much easier than alone in the backyard.

Sorry if I depressed anyone... the dog is alright though. It was his first time bringing me something alive... and I have a feeling this wont be the last time he brings me a treat like this, either.

Welcome...

OK - so everyone I know blogs. Blog this and blog that. I read theirs and think... I could write about that. Or I think... WAIT A MINUTE... I just talked to this person about that, and they blogged it. Why didnt I do that? And wait a minute more... they left out one of the most important details.
So now... it appears Im blogging about other bloggers. That should go over well in the blogging community.
Anyway... here is what you can expect from me, and my future rantings... I complain. A lot. The world bothers me. People DEFINITELY bother me. All the little annoying things in life that people usually suck up and ignore or deal with... I dont. I point it out, and I explain why its an issue, and why it should no longer be tolerated. It seems that society has evolved into a selfish, "it's all about me" place making just walking through the mall a tedious chore these days. And Im not joking... people stroll at their own pace, 7 people long, blocking all traffic. Or people will cut you off and practically step on your toes to get into a store 3 seconds faster than if they had just waited for you to pass. Its not like Im a feeble old man with a walker - Im a quick walking 32 year old - trust me... Im over the 6' tall mark.. I have long legs, and Im not lazy. People really just have never and not a care in the world. And I wanna call them out.
Stop cutting me off in the mall, please. The store will be there after I pass it. I promise.