Wednesday, July 9, 2008

It's Poop To Me!

I got a new house about a year ago... very good feeling. A bit overwhelming at times, especially when you realize the responsibility is all on your shoulders. There's no more telling mom something is broken, or ignoring things getting dated... its all yours, and it;s up to you.

Call it growing up, I guess. Call it whatever, I just liked it better when there was NO responsibility.

Don't get me wrong, I love my house, and I love that it's mine, and I guess it's a fair trade, but here is my latest issue, still with no resolution in sight...

We noticed when we bought the house that both bathrooms were practically brand new. Everything, soup to nuts (whatever that expression means), was new, or very new looking. The center attraction of each bathroom were these beautiful, low-profile, one-piece Kohler designer toilets. Very nice design, and they look quite sharp. HOWEVER, I found the following issues:

They are low... very low. I feel like I am sitting on the floor on one of these things. It;s no good considering I like to spend a lot of time relaxing on the thing... reading a magazine, playing my Nintendo DS, picking my nose (like you don't do it), whatever... I don't need my legs to fall asleep and become so numb, I can't stand up when I am done, so quickly. These bowls really do something to constrict the blood flow to the legs. Odd. Odd indeed.

Nextly...

THEY FLUSH NOTHING!!!!! Be warned... the following may be T.M.I. for some...

I learned, quite the hard way, that these toilet bowls hardly flush a thing. I can't tell you how many times, and how many hours I have spent trying to unclog these friggin' things. They are supposed to be new "water-saving" bowls... which I find impossible, because you need to flush them almost 8 times throughout the course of one good poop. When it first happened, I used drano to the max, cleared the lines, and still, the problem re-occurs. I dread my weekend poops because I know I will be forced to utilize my home bathrooms. How sad is that? Have you ever met someone who looks forward to taking a dump in the restroom at work? I love it. I know that sucker will take everything I have and get rid of it in one single booming WHOOOOOSH of it's massive liter per flush ratio. Not like home. I essentially have learned to monitor my poop output at home. I stop, flush, continue, stop, flush, finish (I hope), flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, flush, wipe, wipe, wipe, flush.... DONE. Lately that's been working.
CAN YOU BELIEVE ALL THAT WORK FOR ONE POOP????
OK so... here's where I stand now....
I got fed up. I was done after a really bad clog, which by the way here is a tip for you...

Lets say you have a clog. You flushed... waited 20 minutes or so, flushed again, and still nothing happens. You can see waste in the bowl, and really have no desire to go in after it, either with a plunger or dare I say a very heavily gloved hand (which by the way, I have NEVER, nor EVER will do) here is what I have done (more than once).

I flush the bowl to try and rid as much water as I can... then I spray all the waste, and the entire bowl with a good dose of CITRUS CLEANER. Available at your local Home Depot, it's an orange, sort of greasy liquid, that comes in a spray bottle. Spray it on, wait for the tank to re-fill and flush away. If it doesn't work, try again... it will. I've had to do this a couple times now, and never had to repeat the steps more than twice. AWESOME STUFF... AWESOME!

OK - so back to being fed up. I ordered new toilets. I did some research and found that TOTO is the way to go. I ordered the models coming with their "best" flushing system. I ordered the bowls that are super high, insulated, bolt down lid, all the bells and whistles. They came yesterday. I'm ready for the installation and that's where I stand...

I will write more and let you know how it goes. But as of right now, it looks as though my poop saga is coming to an end.

Stay tuned for tomorrows blog... Romancing The Throne.

1 comment:

Ivan said...

Switch the bowls for American Standards or do a mercy flush between poop ejections. This may very well solve your problem. In the end you need to show those terds who the boss is!!