Runs from the Border

Taco Bell - you did it. I have tried everything on your menu. At least twice. You taunted me for years with spicy this and spicy that. I drowned items in your "fire" sauce and mocked your menial attempts at making my lips tingle or grasping for a sip of water.

I am unsure who classified your items on a "spiciness" level, but you have never achieved spicy in my book. Ever. Until now.

The other day I tried this 240 calorie monstrosity:

One might know it as the VOLCANO TACO.

I now know it as my arch enemy.

Your seasoned beef, which I am sure contributes to most of the 17 grams of fat is reminiscent of all the other beef within all your other menu items.

Your real cheddar cheese, I am confident, adds the 5 grams of saturated fat to this meal, and coincidentally is used in all other items on the menu as well.

SO...??? What changes this taco and makes it Volcanic?

Perhaps the "Cheesy Lava Sauce?" I have never heard of such a thing. EVER. And a BRIGHT RED crispy taco shell holds it all inside. Weird. Red? Just weird.

I am certain these 2 items combined account for more than 75% of your 490 milligrams of sodium packed into this spicy little concoction which makes my mouth scream for a glass of something... anything to wash it down with.

On the spicy level... job well done. Taste level... eh. But you're on the right track, I must say.