Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Middle Urinal

We have 3 urinals at work. Obviously, a left one, a right one, and one in the middle (in between the aforementioned left & right one).

There are then 4 stalls with full toilets and doors next to those urinals. Are you with me?

Here's my issue:


Scenario 1:
I walk into the bathroom.
No urinals are taken.
Which one do I use?

OBVIOUSLY, the urinal on the left or the right.

Why? because I'm not a selfish jerk who wants someone else to feel uncomfortable, should I be using the middle one.

Scenario B:
I walk into the bathroom.
Urinal to the left is taken.
Which one do I use?

OBVIOUSLY, the urinal on the far right.
Why? because I'm not gay and I don't feel like sidleing up to the guy on the left and start peeing next to him.

Scenario D:
I walk into the bathroom.
Urinals left and right are taken.
Which one do I use?

OBVIOUSLY, none - it's a trick. I mozy on into one of the stalls, and pee in there. WHY? because I'm not selfish, or gay.

Scenario 6:
I'm peeing in the left urinal... there's nobody using the middle or the right urinal.
Guy walks in and starts to pee in the middle urinal.
What do I do?

OBVIOUSLY, turn slowly, and pee on his leg. WHY? Because he's definitely some sort of sick bathroom weirdo who wants to be able to peek over the extremely low divider and stare at my package. He could have avoided this by using the urinal to the right, and let me keep my personal space.

Scenario G:
I walk into the bathroom.
There's a guy peeing in the middle urinal. Both left and right urinals are open.
What do I do?

OBVIOUSLY, find the nearest baseball bat and club him over the head with it. WHY? Because just from this incident we can either determine, he is a selfish jerk who doesn't want anyone else to use the urinals next to him, so he feels he owns the bathroom, OR, he is the bathroom weirdo, lurking once again, hoping someone will pee next to him.

Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being gay... that's fine, I don't care if its your preference. But if that's you, and you want a free peek at someones package... keep it out of the workplace and into the clubs or bars you frequent.

I am saying there is something wrong with being a bathroom weirdo, or being a selfish jerk. Don't do it... and I think I have established your guidelines.


John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

Didn't tell you that the next time someone uses the middle urinal you should stand next to them and smile at them the whole time?

Here's a couple suggestions:
Fun at the Urinal

stella said...

I found this site called http://URAjerk.com maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.